Our generation has grown accustomed to avoiding the pursuit of love, and instead we have turned to immediacy and a ‘no strings attached’ approach to relationships, which coincidentally has caused a very sensitive and imbalanced state of trust and respect among partners. Pressure, expectation and the shaming of conventional love encourages relationships. There is this encouragement for disconnect, and a general disrespect of compassion. We live in an age where traditional romance and passion is bland, and honoring our self-worth is outdated. But according to the United States Department of Health and Human Services, our teenage years are developmental stages for forming opinions and comprehending affection, and if we continue to advocate for these impassive experiences among partners, we are going to distort this generation’s ability to love and be loved.
Revolutionizing feeling and action seems like the shiny new toy of the century, and the perfect way to step into adulthood with independence and control. But in reality, experimentation is an emotional game with a lot of players, and not that many winners. Our hearts deserve higher standards, and sociologists and authors Mark Regnerus and Jeremy Uecker agree. The study conducted in their book concluded that the likeliness of depression rose as the number of uncommitted partners each subject admitted to having rose. This connection between happiness and monogamy reminds us that we should not dishearten traditionalists.
The biggest critique of monogamy is the misconception that experimental discovery of self cannot occur when you are committed fully to a single person. Monogamy takes restraint, conviction and compromise, and while none of these traits are easy to maintain, it allows us to be strong and liberated.
It is true that we do not have the right to create boundaries for emotion and what one should or shouldn’t do with these emotions, but love isn’t an action, it is an all-encompassing lifestyle. It is nearly impossible to toy with connection so casually and come out unscathed. It is, in so many ways, bittersweet. We open ourselves up to be cherished as something beautiful and important, and not just an object to be used once and then thrown away. We enter relationships with expectations that our partner wants something more, and yet more often than not we are caught in a downwards spiral of fulfilling your partner’s wishes to be loved, and at the end of the day we are left unwanted. When people ask why awareness of different types of relationships matter, the answer is simple. It is because a first date isn’t an open invitation for anything, because we have fragile hearts and because monogamy isn’t embarrassing or degrading.
As important as it is to openly converse about these taboos, shame isn’t one sided. Love is just as shamed as polygamy. For men especially, the need to maintain masculinity often drives the decision to act impulsively. Masculinity is measured by toughness, and yet it is an extremely delicate trait. The social demands that hold men captive and confused are a prominent example of shame existing in all types of relationships.
The truth is, love isn’t trendy or radical, and perhaps commitment isn’t sexy, but to me, monogamy is a sign of character, the most beautiful trait anyone can possess.